All she had to do was put on her Shoes…
by Tim
December 1, 2015
It happened so quickly. One minute my eight year old daughter and I were preparing to go on a bike ride, leaving her grandfather to watch the football game. The next minute, I’m screaming at my daughter for not being ready, then in my father-in-law’s face because he got involved in the situation. All she had to do was put her shoes on and we would have been on our way.
Then the first awareness came: Responsibility. I started this drama, and I was responsible for it. As my energy intensified around the situation, so did Papa’s. My daughter was just being herself, doing things in her own time. I sat down and felt what was going on inside of me.
Then the second awareness came: Time. This was about my obsession with time. At first, I focused on why I was pressing her. Sure, I had other things I wanted to do after the bike ride, but there was something else at play. I had been here, in this situation but more importantly in this feeling, before – often, in fact. As I sat with the feeling, I was flooded with images of similar occurrences where I was on edge because either I thought I was going to be late or I thought someone else was going to make me late.
Then the third awareness came: Fear. In all these situations, I was afraid of disappointing someone, fearful that I would get into trouble for not having done something. This was old wreckage – deep wreckage. I sat with the feeling, remembering similar situations. Back and back I went until I got to childhood. “If you are not ready on time… if your chores are not done when I come home…” I sat with the feeling some more, letting the emotions wash over and integrate within me. Then it was over.
This is the work at hand for me. This is the work that I am choosing to do. These awarenesses would not have been possible without the assistance from those at the Awareness Institute, primarily through the organization’s life-changing workshops. This is why I keep coming back. With ever-increasing gratitude.
Tim
Tim is a team volunteer for the Awareness Institute.
December 2, 2015
Ah, yes, time. It’s a tricky thing to work with. I get panicked over the silliest of “urgencies” often. Sometimes, if I stop long enough, I find that the deadline has been completely fabricated by my mind. I too am trying to make friends with time and appreciate hearing how you’re moving through the process.
December 10, 2015
Thanks for this reminder Tim. It seems that every morning I am in a similar situation with myself and my kids. I feel a great pressure to be on time and for my kids to make it to school on time. Each morning I find myself at the edge of anger and far too often I find myself going over the edge as well. I too am learning that I can notice myself feeling triggered, stop myself from reacting, sit with my feelings, and allow myself to respond to that feeling internally. Anger, blame, fear, shame, is a slippery slope however, thank goodness I have had the Awareness Institute workshops to help me learn about myself and what to do when triggers come.
December 18, 2015
I can so relate Tim! Such a need to do something..but, knowing it’s in the just being with those feelings that it truly what is needing attention. I go through this same scenario every morning with getting ready for school… thanks for the reminder to trust and let go of control..xo