Breaking patterns of Insanity and seeing with Brand New Eyes
October 26, 2015
You could say I was a mature kid for my age. As a child, I was self-sufficient and could function independently — no parental supervision required. One could say I was never a “troubled” individual, but still somewhere deep inside there was a struggle. I was unclear about the feelings I was having or why they were there, but I could see clearly some patterns that repeated throughout my life and felt emotionally depleting.
These repeating patterns made me question my experience on a deeper level: there must be more to this existence than repeating patterns of insanity. I didn’t know exactly what “more” meant or what I was even questioning, but still, there was a restlessness…. So I kept an open mind and explored religious possibilities and alternative perspectives on life.
When I stumbled upon the Awareness Institute, I realized that I had a tendency to put my needs and wants last. I actually had no idea what “putting myself first” meant. The decision to attend a workshop was the first time I said “yes” to me. I had this unconscious yearning for the truth… Who am I without my roles, identity, obligations and responsibilities? I didn’t know.
My first workshop was transformative – a transformation that took awhile for me to integrate what I felt, heard and uncovered. Before the workshop I thought I was doing well. I was “sure” of a lot of things and I knew myself. What I know now is that during that first workshop something fundamental shifted inside of me, in how I viewed myself and my life: I saw myself and began experiencing life with brand new eyes.
I am forever changed and grateful for the awareness I’ve learned over the years. It has been the most extraordinary journey I’ve ever been on and the only worthwhile exploration I could ever do with my life. I am nowhere close to having it figured out, but I’m no longer asleep. And what does it mean to be awake? I’m not quite sure, and I know the word “spirituality” or even “awakening” has so many connotations and assumptions… but what this work has given me is truth and presence, and a sense of clarity that’s absolute!
Helen is a team volunteer for the Awareness Institute.
November 2, 2015
Ugh! Watching myself have the same groundhog day is exhausting! So glad to know there is another option! Thanks for sharing your experience.
November 18, 2015
I can really really relate to this post, and especially to the last line about clarity… even in the throes of a “groundhog day” experience, the clarity is undeniable! <3